Tonight I am feeling so many feelings I just have to get them all out! I took Kaylee today to get fitted for a new prosthesis, this one will be alittle different then the shoelift she has now. They had to take a mold of her leg and have her fitted for a brace that her whole leg will fit into, then she will have a extendable pole on the bottom with a false foot. This may look alittle funny to most but it is going to be so much easier to move around without having that bulky shoe on.
While in the waiting room at the prosthesis place I see pictures all around of children with prosthesis, missing their leg or their arm or event both. While looking around all I could think was this isn’t so bad! Is my mind changing could I go ahead with the amputation and not put Kaylee through all the pain and suffering of these lengthening surgeries. Just to update those who are reading I have an option of doing the lengthening surgeries or having Kaylee’s foot cut off and her wear a prosthesis the rest of her life. Let me tell you this is not an easy decision! One way or the other Kaylee is going to suffer, so what should I do, let her suffer physically by all the pain she will have to endure or let her suffer knowing she is missing half a leg.
Well I can see it two ways, God made her with half a leg, he gave her to me with half a leg who am I to change that. Other way if I do lengthening she will be normal one day, she will run with both feet on the ground she will be like everyone else just a normal person. OK me just saying that she will be like everyone else, no that’s not how she was made, that was not why God put her here to be like everyone else.
If I decide to do the lengthening I will always have in the back of my mind watching her suffer I am just doing this all for myself. I am just doing this to her so she will fit in and be normal, all of this is to make other people happy. She will be until she is 16 years old in surgeries painful surgeries, I’m not just talking about going in and fixing a bone wear a cast for a little while then your done. NO I am talking about opening her leg, sawing her bone in half putting metal rods though her separate bone’s then stretching them everyday for 8 months, stretching her bone, stretching her muscles and tendons. Just think how you feel when you pull a muscle in your back or get a cramp in our leg could you image the pain of what Kaylee will have to face, I sure can’t, and I would never want to go through that pain.
So I guess I can say pain is beauty am I right or as in Kaylee’s case pain is normal. Would you honestly go through pain just to be normal honestly? I don’t think I would if it was my decision I would say cut that foot off and give me a pole to walk on the heck with what everyone else thinks is “normal”! I think getting her foot cut off would be hard on me to have to see but I think lengthening surgeries is something I don’t have to see but Kaylee would feel every bit of it, lengthening would be harder on Kaylee then it ever would be on me! So lengthen her leg let her face the pain as long as she is normal I would do anything yes “I” because I am not the one in pain, but what does she think. She will never have a normal child hood we would have to leave our home move somewhere where she is not comfortable put her through all of this yes for “normal”.
I have a friend on face book that I have been talking to recently I will not name name’s but she has the most beautiful little girl who seems happy all the time, who runs and plays and does everything a child does with nothing holding her back. She has the same thing as Kaylee but her family decided on the amputation. She had it when she was little before she could walk and would never know anything different. It’s over for her no more pain no more suffering just living! How amazing is that, just to live and not worrying about the next surgery, the pain the suffering it will be gone and we all just move on. Yes I know I am thinking the same thing but what about Kaylee she will have to live with a fake leg the rest of her life, how could I do that when it could be fixed. Well let me just say not everyone is like me we are all different and different things work for different people, but for me I just feel like I would be fixing her leg for my own benefit. So I would know in the future Kaylee will be normal when she is 16 she can play sports, cheer, find a boyfriend have normal friends be popular, be accepted, be perfect, do you see? Perfect the word perfect, who in this world would not say that Kaylee is not perfect, because what is perfect? What is normal? You are? Sorry I hate to say it no one is! And I have heard that all my life, me trying so hard to find the word perfect! Looking everywhere pleasing everyone, doing everything in my power so people on the outside would see that I am perfect, just for acceptance. I know deep in my heart I am not perfect nor will I ever be, I may not be missing a leg but other things bother me about myself.
Kaylee is just the most beautiful person to me I can just see it in her eyes she is special with half a leg or a whole leg she is special! Kaylee I sure wish you could make up my mind for me you could say I am willing to go through the pain and suffering to be like everyone else or you could say leg or no leg I am no different, I am Kaylee not a leg! Lord I will leave it all in your hands I just ask you from the bottom of my heart please, please help me with this decision what road is the right road? My little Kaylee if I could just take your place I would, I would give everything I have to be in your shoes and take all the pain away, but the Lord knows you are a much stronger person then I will ever be and this will make you a great person to be remembered! Lord I need you now more then ever help me Lord please help me to make Kaylee’s decision.
DecisionTo lengthen be normal be accepted be like everyone else.
To amputation live the rest of your life with half a leg, but start now living your life.
God I need your help!
While in the waiting room at the prosthesis place I see pictures all around of children with prosthesis, missing their leg or their arm or event both. While looking around all I could think was this isn’t so bad! Is my mind changing could I go ahead with the amputation and not put Kaylee through all the pain and suffering of these lengthening surgeries. Just to update those who are reading I have an option of doing the lengthening surgeries or having Kaylee’s foot cut off and her wear a prosthesis the rest of her life. Let me tell you this is not an easy decision! One way or the other Kaylee is going to suffer, so what should I do, let her suffer physically by all the pain she will have to endure or let her suffer knowing she is missing half a leg.
Well I can see it two ways, God made her with half a leg, he gave her to me with half a leg who am I to change that. Other way if I do lengthening she will be normal one day, she will run with both feet on the ground she will be like everyone else just a normal person. OK me just saying that she will be like everyone else, no that’s not how she was made, that was not why God put her here to be like everyone else.
If I decide to do the lengthening I will always have in the back of my mind watching her suffer I am just doing this all for myself. I am just doing this to her so she will fit in and be normal, all of this is to make other people happy. She will be until she is 16 years old in surgeries painful surgeries, I’m not just talking about going in and fixing a bone wear a cast for a little while then your done. NO I am talking about opening her leg, sawing her bone in half putting metal rods though her separate bone’s then stretching them everyday for 8 months, stretching her bone, stretching her muscles and tendons. Just think how you feel when you pull a muscle in your back or get a cramp in our leg could you image the pain of what Kaylee will have to face, I sure can’t, and I would never want to go through that pain.
So I guess I can say pain is beauty am I right or as in Kaylee’s case pain is normal. Would you honestly go through pain just to be normal honestly? I don’t think I would if it was my decision I would say cut that foot off and give me a pole to walk on the heck with what everyone else thinks is “normal”! I think getting her foot cut off would be hard on me to have to see but I think lengthening surgeries is something I don’t have to see but Kaylee would feel every bit of it, lengthening would be harder on Kaylee then it ever would be on me! So lengthen her leg let her face the pain as long as she is normal I would do anything yes “I” because I am not the one in pain, but what does she think. She will never have a normal child hood we would have to leave our home move somewhere where she is not comfortable put her through all of this yes for “normal”.
I have a friend on face book that I have been talking to recently I will not name name’s but she has the most beautiful little girl who seems happy all the time, who runs and plays and does everything a child does with nothing holding her back. She has the same thing as Kaylee but her family decided on the amputation. She had it when she was little before she could walk and would never know anything different. It’s over for her no more pain no more suffering just living! How amazing is that, just to live and not worrying about the next surgery, the pain the suffering it will be gone and we all just move on. Yes I know I am thinking the same thing but what about Kaylee she will have to live with a fake leg the rest of her life, how could I do that when it could be fixed. Well let me just say not everyone is like me we are all different and different things work for different people, but for me I just feel like I would be fixing her leg for my own benefit. So I would know in the future Kaylee will be normal when she is 16 she can play sports, cheer, find a boyfriend have normal friends be popular, be accepted, be perfect, do you see? Perfect the word perfect, who in this world would not say that Kaylee is not perfect, because what is perfect? What is normal? You are? Sorry I hate to say it no one is! And I have heard that all my life, me trying so hard to find the word perfect! Looking everywhere pleasing everyone, doing everything in my power so people on the outside would see that I am perfect, just for acceptance. I know deep in my heart I am not perfect nor will I ever be, I may not be missing a leg but other things bother me about myself.
Kaylee is just the most beautiful person to me I can just see it in her eyes she is special with half a leg or a whole leg she is special! Kaylee I sure wish you could make up my mind for me you could say I am willing to go through the pain and suffering to be like everyone else or you could say leg or no leg I am no different, I am Kaylee not a leg! Lord I will leave it all in your hands I just ask you from the bottom of my heart please, please help me with this decision what road is the right road? My little Kaylee if I could just take your place I would, I would give everything I have to be in your shoes and take all the pain away, but the Lord knows you are a much stronger person then I will ever be and this will make you a great person to be remembered! Lord I need you now more then ever help me Lord please help me to make Kaylee’s decision.
DecisionTo lengthen be normal be accepted be like everyone else.
To amputation live the rest of your life with half a leg, but start now living your life.
God I need your help!
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